Divorce and Healing: October 6 2024

     Mark 10:2-16                                                  October 6, 2024

 

                In the other churches where I served, we always had the animal blessing as part of our Sunday morning service that was closest to St Francis day.   On that day, we used different readings than those that were assigned, which means I have never had to preach these texts that come up every three years.  This week, I spent a fair amount of time thinking about how I could avoid this Gospel reading, but I realized that when we have texts like this read aloud, it’s best to preach on them.  I imagine that when some of you heard these words about marriage and divorce, your heart sank a little. Perhaps you thought, you know I have been through enough, do I really need to hear this kind of judgment on Sunday morning?  So I want to start by telling you that this sermon is not going to be explicitly about divorce or why divorce is bad.  The goal is that those who have already suffered through the heartbreak of divorce will find healing rather than judgment.

                Last week I talked about the fact that Jesus was always looking out for the least of these. He was passionate about protecting those who were vulnerable and unfairly treated. The reading we heard today was likely the same day that he warned people against hurting the little ones, the least of these.  For all we know, he’s still holding that child in his arms who he held as an example of the little ones.  My guess is that he wanted to continue talking about caring for the least of these, not the legal loopholes available to men who wanted to divorce. 

                The pharisees wanted to test Jesus. Given that the laws around divorce were a controversial topic and that King Herod had divorced his wife so he could marry another, they figured that they might be able to trick Jesus into saying something that would get him into trouble.  At the time, there were two interpretations of Deuteronomy 24, which says that a man could divorce his wife if he found something objectionable about her.  One of the interpretations allowed a man to divorce his wife for any reason…including bad cooking.  The other interpretation was that the man could only divorce his wife in cases of adultery.  Surely Jesus had an opinion on this important matter of legal loopholes available to men who wanted to divorce their wives. 

                Jesus refused to debate legalities.  He didn’t even want to debate divorce.  Instead he shifted the conversation from divorce to one about the importance of marriage.   Many of the pharisees got twisted up in legalese.  They wanted to know what they could get away with, rather than talk about the intent of marriage.  Jesus brought them away from the law to the intent of the creator—that people would create lifelong unions.  He ends by saying, “Therefore what God has joined together, let one separate.”  We actually quote that in our wedding ceremony and it is my favorite thing to say. 

The Greek text says “no man” rather than “no one.”  I am inclined to think that this is one of those examples where Jesus really means men…because he was talking to men who made the rules about what men could do to get divorced.  At the time, men made the rules and in many places they still do.  There was only one case where a woman could request a divorce and even then, she would still suffer the consequences of the divorce. 

Remember who Jesus was talking about before the pharisees interrupted him, how we care for the vulnerable and the marginalized…the least of these.  Last week I talked about the fact that children had no rights at the time. Women also had few rights and were vulnerable. In most cases, women’s economic stability was dependent on a male relative.  If her husband divorced her, she had few options.  If she was lucky, she would have a male relative who could take care of her.  If she was very lucky and young enough to bare children, she might be able to find another husband. If she did not have those safety nets, she would be impoverished and forced to beg on the streets or prostitute herself. In Jesus discouraging divorce, he was once again protecting the most vulnerable. 

What does that mean for us today?  Divorce is rarely equitable, but it’s more equitable than it was in Jesus’ time.  Would Jesus be as vehemently against divorce now as he was then? I really don’t know.  I suspect if it came up now, he would once again return to the purpose of marriage.  No one goes into a marriage wanting it to end in divorce.  People enter marriages for the purposes of commitment.  And we should honor that commitment as best we can. But we have all seen marriages that needed to end and we have seen beautiful examples of remarriage.  If Jesus was alive today, I don’t think Jesus would be prohibiting people from getting married again.  If you read the text closely, he’s acknowledging that people will get divorced and remarried, but he’s also acknowledging that divorce hurts people.  And just because people are legally divorced, doesn’t mean the marriage never happened.  Jesus is acknowledging that there is brokenness…but there is also healing.

In the Gospel of John, there is a wonderful story of Jesus meeting a woman who had 5 husbands. The text doesn’t say why she had been married that many times, but it seems unlikely (or very unlucky) that 5 husbands died.  What is more likely is that she was divorced that many times because she was infertile.  It was a common reason that men divorced their wives. Jesus sat with this woman who had probably been ostracized and talked to her.  He never condemned her.  He never judged her. He had one of the longest conversations between him and another person in all of scripture.  She then went and told the whole town about him.  She became an evangelist.  Jesus saw past what had stigmatized her and treated her the way he treated his disciples, maybe even better.  That is an example of how Jesus treated people who divorce and remarry.

It is no random thing that right after the pharisees forced Jesus to address divorce he decided to bless the children.  It says that he laid his hands on them.  When Jesus lays his hands on people, that usually means that he is healing them.  Given the way children were often treated at that time, there is no doubt that they needed healing.  We all do.  I think the reason that the Gospel writer put this story of Jesus blessing the children right after Jesus’ words about divorce was to show the reader what really matters.

Jesus came and lived among us for many reasons.  The stories I find most powerful are stories where he sits and listens, when he heals people, not necessarily the external things, but those parts of us that are broken because of whatever has happened in the past or is happening now.  So whether you are existing in a challenging marriage (because let’s admit, all marriages have their challenges), or recovering from a broken one, or soaking in gratitude for your second or third marriage, know that Jesus came not to judge, but to bring love and wholeness to this broken world.   

Who's child is this? December 18, 2017

Year A, Advent 4                                                      

Matthew 1:18-25                                                                   

            One of the things that you have to come to terms with when you have chosen to adopt is that it is unlikely that you will have a child who looks like you.  No one will ever say, “He’s got your smile” or “Wow, look at those eyes…I wonder where they came from?”  It’s a small thing….especially when you see your child smile and you think, “There could be no smile more beautiful than that smile.”  But it’s still something that you need to consider.

            When we talk about the story of Joseph (which we don’t do very often) the focus is usually his reaction to the information that his fiancée is pregnant and it’s definitely not his child.  We usually refer to Mary and Joseph as engaged.  This is not the most accurate translation.  Our understanding of engagement today and what it was at this time period are two very different things. Today there are elaborate proposals and photo documentation of the proposal. Engagements are important.  It is a commitment, but it is also pretty easy to break.  In the time when Jesus and Mary lived, engagements were more than a ring and an extended time to plan the perfect wedding. An engagement (or more accurately a betrothal) was a legal agreement that two families made.  After the betrothal, they were legally wed, but not yet living together.  To break a betrothal, one had to get a divorce.  To have relations with someone other than your betrothed would be adultery.  It had the same punishment for the woman…public stoning.

            One can only imagine what Joseph felt in hearing that his wife was pregnant.  Despite the fact that they did not live together, they were still referred to as husband and wife.  He must have felt betrayed by her and even her family who had arranged this.  Most likely, their marriage had been planned for years, perhaps their whole lives.  Suddenly, his whole life was changed.  Certainly, he could find another wife. Yet even if he could, people would still wonder if the child Mary had was actually his and he divorced her so no one would condemn him for having marital relations before they were officially married.  He could have survived the embarrassment and shame, but it would have probably followed him and his whole family the rest of their lives. These are all reasonable assumptions for his initial reaction to the news.

            What I wonder is what he felt after the angel came and told him, “Do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.  She will bear a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” All we know is that Joseph woke up and followed the angel’s instructions.  He took Mary as his wife.  Let’s assume for a minute that there was no doubt in Joseph’s mind that this had really happened….an angel had appeared to him and told him that the child who would be born to his wife was actually the child of God.  The father of the child was God.  Did he wonder: what is this child going to look like?  Will he look like God?  What does God look like?  Will God give this child the physical attributes of Mary but no attributes of me?  When this child comes out of Mary’s womb and I cradle him in my arms, who will I see….my son or the son of God?

            I like to think that Joseph was asking these mundane and rational questions, because that is what I would be wondering.  Now that we know the whole story, they seem like foolish questions.  But all he knew was that that this child was from the Holy Spirit.  In this time period, the first son was a very important thing in a family.  The first born would very likely acquire all that the father had.  The first son had a position of importance. Yet was this Joseph’s first son?  The questions that were whirling around his head and almost surely the head of Mary must have been unlimited. 

Think about it, everyone wonders what their child will become.  Will he be an athlete…a musician, a scientist.  Those were not the questions Jesus’s parents had.  Their son would save the world.  I am sure that put all their concerns to rest.  After this initial dream with the angel….consider the dreams or nightmares that followed.  Perhaps this child would come out of Mary not as a baby…but as a full grown man.  No baby could save the world.  That is ludicrous.  He would have huge eyes that would see all things and a huge head that would know all things.  The possibilities are terrifying.

            Who knows what he must have envisioned in the dead of night as he lay awake with fear and anxiety? What we know is this:  Joseph took Mary as his wife and he claimed Jesus as his son.  He might have looked at Jesus and seen Mary’s eyes or Mary’s smile. But I bet what he really saw was what we all see when we see babies.  He saw a miracle.  He saw a child of God…someone so precious that God had to be involved somehow. At that moment, it did not matter if he had his DNA…he had God’s DNA. He was infused with the Holy Spirt.  He was love in the flesh.

            People make a big deal of the fact that Mary was a virgin when she conceived Jesus.  For some, it has even become a litmus test for true Christian faith.  For my part, I believe that Mary was a virgin.  I believe that is important not because it makes her pure or holy, but because it makes it clear to all of us, that this child born was no ordinary child, no matter how ordinary he looked.  The virgin birth and Joseph’s acceptance of that story is proof that something special was happening…something beyond our understanding.  We can tell the story over and over again, but we can never make it our own.  We can never tame this story because it is so amazing, so out of this world.   

            When Joseph looked into that newborn’s eyes, he saw pieces of himself…not because this child carried his DNA, but because this child knew him more than anyone else. This child could see into the depth of his soul.  At this time of year, we have an amazing opportunity. We have the chance to imagine the eyes of Jesus, the eyes that know us and loves us….without condition. We have the chance to see ourselves through those eyes, just like Joseph saw himself in Jesus’ eyes. 

Let’s try it. Let’s close our eyes for and take a deep breath.  Then for a moment, imagine that you can see the eyes of Jesus and you see yourself reflected in those eyes. What do you see? Do you see beauty? Do you see pain? Whatever you see, don’t allow yourself to judge what you see. This is not a mirror you are looking at…this is you, through Jesus’ eyes.  What you see is holy.  What you see is your divine image.  Take that with you when you leave this place.  Remember that you are holy and that you too carry the Holy Spirit.  Let that be your Christmas miracle.