Divorce and Healing: October 6 2024

     Mark 10:2-16                                                  October 6, 2024

 

                In the other churches where I served, we always had the animal blessing as part of our Sunday morning service that was closest to St Francis day.   On that day, we used different readings than those that were assigned, which means I have never had to preach these texts that come up every three years.  This week, I spent a fair amount of time thinking about how I could avoid this Gospel reading, but I realized that when we have texts like this read aloud, it’s best to preach on them.  I imagine that when some of you heard these words about marriage and divorce, your heart sank a little. Perhaps you thought, you know I have been through enough, do I really need to hear this kind of judgment on Sunday morning?  So I want to start by telling you that this sermon is not going to be explicitly about divorce or why divorce is bad.  The goal is that those who have already suffered through the heartbreak of divorce will find healing rather than judgment.

                Last week I talked about the fact that Jesus was always looking out for the least of these. He was passionate about protecting those who were vulnerable and unfairly treated. The reading we heard today was likely the same day that he warned people against hurting the little ones, the least of these.  For all we know, he’s still holding that child in his arms who he held as an example of the little ones.  My guess is that he wanted to continue talking about caring for the least of these, not the legal loopholes available to men who wanted to divorce. 

                The pharisees wanted to test Jesus. Given that the laws around divorce were a controversial topic and that King Herod had divorced his wife so he could marry another, they figured that they might be able to trick Jesus into saying something that would get him into trouble.  At the time, there were two interpretations of Deuteronomy 24, which says that a man could divorce his wife if he found something objectionable about her.  One of the interpretations allowed a man to divorce his wife for any reason…including bad cooking.  The other interpretation was that the man could only divorce his wife in cases of adultery.  Surely Jesus had an opinion on this important matter of legal loopholes available to men who wanted to divorce their wives. 

                Jesus refused to debate legalities.  He didn’t even want to debate divorce.  Instead he shifted the conversation from divorce to one about the importance of marriage.   Many of the pharisees got twisted up in legalese.  They wanted to know what they could get away with, rather than talk about the intent of marriage.  Jesus brought them away from the law to the intent of the creator—that people would create lifelong unions.  He ends by saying, “Therefore what God has joined together, let one separate.”  We actually quote that in our wedding ceremony and it is my favorite thing to say. 

The Greek text says “no man” rather than “no one.”  I am inclined to think that this is one of those examples where Jesus really means men…because he was talking to men who made the rules about what men could do to get divorced.  At the time, men made the rules and in many places they still do.  There was only one case where a woman could request a divorce and even then, she would still suffer the consequences of the divorce. 

Remember who Jesus was talking about before the pharisees interrupted him, how we care for the vulnerable and the marginalized…the least of these.  Last week I talked about the fact that children had no rights at the time. Women also had few rights and were vulnerable. In most cases, women’s economic stability was dependent on a male relative.  If her husband divorced her, she had few options.  If she was lucky, she would have a male relative who could take care of her.  If she was very lucky and young enough to bare children, she might be able to find another husband. If she did not have those safety nets, she would be impoverished and forced to beg on the streets or prostitute herself. In Jesus discouraging divorce, he was once again protecting the most vulnerable. 

What does that mean for us today?  Divorce is rarely equitable, but it’s more equitable than it was in Jesus’ time.  Would Jesus be as vehemently against divorce now as he was then? I really don’t know.  I suspect if it came up now, he would once again return to the purpose of marriage.  No one goes into a marriage wanting it to end in divorce.  People enter marriages for the purposes of commitment.  And we should honor that commitment as best we can. But we have all seen marriages that needed to end and we have seen beautiful examples of remarriage.  If Jesus was alive today, I don’t think Jesus would be prohibiting people from getting married again.  If you read the text closely, he’s acknowledging that people will get divorced and remarried, but he’s also acknowledging that divorce hurts people.  And just because people are legally divorced, doesn’t mean the marriage never happened.  Jesus is acknowledging that there is brokenness…but there is also healing.

In the Gospel of John, there is a wonderful story of Jesus meeting a woman who had 5 husbands. The text doesn’t say why she had been married that many times, but it seems unlikely (or very unlucky) that 5 husbands died.  What is more likely is that she was divorced that many times because she was infertile.  It was a common reason that men divorced their wives. Jesus sat with this woman who had probably been ostracized and talked to her.  He never condemned her.  He never judged her. He had one of the longest conversations between him and another person in all of scripture.  She then went and told the whole town about him.  She became an evangelist.  Jesus saw past what had stigmatized her and treated her the way he treated his disciples, maybe even better.  That is an example of how Jesus treated people who divorce and remarry.

It is no random thing that right after the pharisees forced Jesus to address divorce he decided to bless the children.  It says that he laid his hands on them.  When Jesus lays his hands on people, that usually means that he is healing them.  Given the way children were often treated at that time, there is no doubt that they needed healing.  We all do.  I think the reason that the Gospel writer put this story of Jesus blessing the children right after Jesus’ words about divorce was to show the reader what really matters.

Jesus came and lived among us for many reasons.  The stories I find most powerful are stories where he sits and listens, when he heals people, not necessarily the external things, but those parts of us that are broken because of whatever has happened in the past or is happening now.  So whether you are existing in a challenging marriage (because let’s admit, all marriages have their challenges), or recovering from a broken one, or soaking in gratitude for your second or third marriage, know that Jesus came not to judge, but to bring love and wholeness to this broken world.   

What We Lack: Oct. 14, 2018

Year B, Pentecost 20                                            

Mark 10:17-31                                                          

This Gospel reading is a very hard text to read and it is an perilous text to preach.  I do not feel that I can preach this text with integrity as I have not done what Jesus asks of the rich man in this story.  I was called to the priesthood and I certainly gave some things up as a result, but I didn’t give up most things.  In our Gospel, Jesus was approached by a man asking him what he needed to do to inherit eternal life.  Jesus responded in the expected way by reciting a few of the commandments.  The man responded that he had been keeping all these commandments from his youth.  That is impressive. All of them. From his youth. One would have expected a pat on the back from Jesus, or maybe a high five. Yet, there were no encouraging words from Jesus in response.

            The text does say that Jesus looked at him and loved him.  He probably even saw something special in him as he asked the man to come and follow him.  That is what he said to his disciples when he called them. Who knows, this man could have been number 13.  But as with the other disciples, the call did not come without some sacrifice.  He said, “You lack one thing, go, sell what you own, and give money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.”  

You lack one thing….it sounds like it should not be a big thing, right?  He had followed all the commandments...since his youth.  Now Jesus was asking him to sell all he had and give it to the poor.  He could not do it.  He walked away.  He was the one person in the Gospel who Jesus called, but refused to follow.  Why? Because he had many possessions.  He could not part with them, even if it meant having treasure in heaven, even if it meant eternal life. 

            If you were to read the stories of Jesus calling the 12 disciples, you will see that Jesus did not ask them to sell everything.  All he did was ask them to follow him.  In each of those stories, we are told that they dropped their nets, left everything and followed him.  Was it easier for them because they did not have much money or possessions? Probably not--because when the text says that they left everything, it wasn’t just about leaving their possessions, it was about leaving their home and their families.  I like to think that they didn’t assume it would be a permanent departure, because it’s hard to imagine Jesus wanting people to leave their family.  But that’s just what I like to assume because it’s easier and a lot more palatable. 

            There are not a lot of people who could preach this text with integrity.  I don’t actually know anyone who gave everything up to follow Jesus.  I know of people.  I’ve heard of them, but they are few and far between.  So what are we everyday Christians to make of this difficult, seemingly impossible demand of Jesus?  I first looked at the readings a couple weeks ago, knowing this would be Celebration Sunday, which is when we ask people to make a commitment to the church in the form of a pledge.  Perfect I thought. This is all about giving money away and how important it is to give money to places like the church, that helps those who are poor---either figuratively helping the poor in Spirit, or literally helping the hungry and needy.  Some people on the vestry (I will not name any names) keep telling me I need to preach more about money and stewardship.  It’s not my strength.  But I thought, well this will give me the perfect opportunity.  How can I preach this text and not talk about money? 

            Alas, this text is a little more complicated.  And I am not just saying that because I don’t like talking about money.  Jesus isn’t telling this man he needs to give because there are needy people and non-profits doing good work. Nope.  He is telling this man what he needs to do to be a good disciple.  Now, normally when we talk about stewardship, we talk about the abundance of what God has given us and the many way that we can return those gifts to God.  Yet in this passage, Jesus doesn’t say, “Look, you have so much, how about returning some of it?”  He doesn’t lead with abundance or generosity.  He says, “You lack one thing…” He didn’t remind the man what he had, he told him what he was lacking.   

            When I thought about people who had given a great deal up to follow Jesus, I thought of Pope Francis.  I looked to see if I could find anything he had written about this passage.  I thought, surely, if someone could preach authentically on this text, it would be him.  I could only find one paragraph that came from one of his weekly addresses.  He focused on a part that I had never considered.  When Jesus reminded the man of the commandments, the man responded, “I have kept all these from my youth…” My youth. Pope Francis wrote that many of us never mature spiritually past our youth.  It’s as if we stop growing spiritually at the age of 18.  He said that one of the ways that we mature spiritually is when we begin to accept our own limits, when we become aware of what is truly missing from our lives. We can all probably name all the physical things we need.  We need a better job, a nicer home, more vacation time, better grades, better relationships with our family and friends.  But how many of truly know what we are lacking spiritually.

            Consider this man’s original question.  “What must I do to inherit eternal life?”  He wanted to know what he could do.  He used the word inherit, because that was what his focus was in life.  Therefore, Jesus could immediately see what he was missing, what he was lacking.  He needed to let go to the things he acquired.  He had let his possessions possess him. 

Now I could turn it around and say, “Therefore, we all need to figure out what we are missing, what we need to be closer to God.” That would be a fair interpretation of this text.  But I think it also lets us off the hook too easily.  Because my guess is that for a lot of us, it is our possessions---those things that we worked so hard to earn that create barriers in our relationship with God and other people.  What Jesus reminds us in this reading and other places in scripture is that none of what we have is ours.  We didn’t earn it. It was given to us.   We certainly can’t take it with us from this life to the next.  The more easily we can let go of those physical things, the freer we will be. 

            Yes, consider what you lack in your relationship to God.  Ask God what you need to be a better disciple.  God’s probably not going to tell you to give everything away and leave family and friends.  However, there is a good chance God will tell you something that will be hard, something you might now want to do. Then, I pray that you will consider pledging to the church, pledging not just financially, but pledging your time.  There are few things in life more precious than time.  If God is giving us eternal life, then surely we can give God some of our time in this life.  And while we may lack something in terms of our relationship with God, every one of us has an abundance of gifts, some of which we don’t even know we possess because other things keep distracting us.  Therefore, let’s not perceive this call from Jesus to give things up as a deprivation.  Instead, let us see it as an invitation to live more fully and abundantly into the life God has called us. 

There is no answer: October 11, 2015

Year B, 20 Pentecost                                                                         
Job 23                                                                                                 

            When something horrible happens, like the mass shooting at the community college in Oregon last week or the shooting in Charleston three months ago (or any shooting for that matter), one of the first questions that people ask is why. Why did this happen to innocent people?  What were the motives of the shooter?  That is what I often find myself preoccupied with, the motive of the shooter.  I want so desperately to understand their reason, what brought them to such a dark place.  But even when they leave a letter or a video, the reason is never satisfying.  It never makes me feel better.  However, there is something in each one of us that craves reason.  If there is a reason, then we can wrap our head around it. Perhaps we can even find a solution so that it won’t happen again. 

            Why do bad things happen to good people?  It is the question that never goes away.  Countless books have been written on the subject, but there is no easy answer.  There is no answer.  When this question comes up, people often turn to the Book of Job in the Old Testament.  Job is a classic story of really bad things happening to a good person for no clear reason.  In the beginning of the Book of Job we hear that Job is a righteous man, basically one of God’s all stars.  He had 10 children and thousands of livestock.  He was wealthy and successful. 

Then in one day, it was all gone.  All ten of his children were killed in a freak wind storm, lightning struck his sheep and shepherds, and an enemy stole his camels and oxen.  That was all in one day.  The next day he woke to find himself covered with boils from head to toe. He became so deformed that his friends could no longer recognize him. He went from having everything, to having virtually nothing.  The rest of the book comprises his rants toward God, long speeches, and conversations with his three friends who liked to pontificate about the reasons for his suffering. 

The reading from today is Job’s response to one of his friend’s speeches.  In this speech his friend suggested various sins that Job must have committed to deserve such suffering.  Surely he must have done something truly evil to warrant this dramatic turn of events.  This was a safe assumption in this time period.  It was common for people to assume that if bad things were happening, it was because they had sinned in some way.  God rewarded the righteous and punished the sinners.   His friend suggested that he repent and turn back to God. He needed to stop complaining and submit to God’s authority.  In other words, stop fighting this! 

It is rarely a good idea to lecture someone who is suffering especially when the premise of the lecture is wrong.   Job was an upright and good man.  We know that from the beginning of the book and surely his friends knew that as well.  But much like we do today, his friends were trying to find a reason for the suffering.  If they could find a reason, then they could find a solution.  Job would not accept that rationale.  To the end, he defended his innocence. 

What Job wanted was an opportunity to speak to God face to face.  He felt that if he could defend himself before God, then God would see that Job was a good man who did not deserve such treatment.  What Job was struggling with were not the reasons why, but the lack of response from God.  God had been absent for Job.  Job’s search for God was relentless, but also fruitless.   “If I go forward, he is not there; or backward, I cannot perceive him; on the left he hides and I cannot behold him; I turn to the right, but I cannot see him.” Job was searching for God and the harder he looked, the more distant God appeared.  Job was not asking “why.”  He was asking “where.”  Where is God when my life is falling to pieces? Yet through his ranting and his raving, he never lost hope.  Sometimes his words sounded as though he was hopeless, but they were not, because they were still words that he was sharing with God.

A poet named Wendell Berry wrote, “The distinguishing characteristic of absolute despair is silence.”  The poet went on to say that there is a difference between someone who shares their despair with another person and a person who can only admit it to themselves.  As long as Job kept ranting and raving, he held onto hope.  You have all experienced that with yourselves or another.  When you stop hearing from someone, that is when you worry.  When you find yourself withdrawing from others, that is when there is cause for concern.  While Job’s friends are often criticized for their obnoxious lectures, at least they were present.  They were there.

The last line of our reading is Job saying, “If only I could vanish in darkness, and thick darkness would cover my face.”  Many read this as Job giving up, finally admitting defeat.  He was asking for death.  Or….it was something else.  Job’s friend said that Job had accused God of being cloaked in darkness, of hiding in the darkness.  Perhaps what Job is saying here is that if God is indeed in the darkness, then that is where he needs to go to find God.  If the only way he can find God is by vanishing into the darkness, than that is what he will do.  Does that sound like giving up to you?  It’s desperate, but it is not giving up.  Hope and desperation have a lot more in common that we can imagine.

Eventually God does appear to Job.  That is our reading for next week and I don’t want to spoil anything.  But suffice it to say, it turns out God was there the whole time and heard everything Job and his friends were saying.  That does not come until chapter 38!  All of the horrible things happened to Job in chapter 1.  We can assume that Job did a lot of praying, pleading, whining, yelling, begging, crying and moping during that time.  He had to go through a great deal before he could meet God face to face.

            This past few months we have been inundated with stories of shootings, children washing up dead on beaches, historic flooding and droughts….just to name a few.  There are reasons for some of these things, but they are not necessarily reasons that we can agree on.  Asking why won’t get us anywhere.  What we need to start asking is where.  Where is God in all of this?  And if we can’t find God in these places of heartbreak and heartache, that means we need to look harder.  Not only that, we can become the signs of God’s presence.  We need to stand up and let the world know that we are the hands and feet of God.  God gave us this world for which we are stewards.  A steward takes care of the land when the owner is away.  We should be taking care of this land and in doing so, we take care of one another. 

The world is in darkness and we carry the light.  Perhaps the answer is not what matters, as much as the question itself.  Because as long as we keep asking, we are searching and we are caring.   Job’s friends told him to stop searching and  arguing and give up.  That was bad advice. God wants us to continue to question injustice wherever we see it, to search for God in the rubbles of the wars that we have waged.  God wants us to raise our voices and not be satisfied with platitudes and easy answers.  There are no easy answers.  There are hard questions and when we stop asking them, then we’ve really given up.  Now is not the time to give up.  If the darkness surrounds us, then we get our light and we wade into the darkness.  If enough of us do that, it won’t be darkness for much longer.