Showing posts with label shame. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shame. Show all posts

Sunday, July 12, 2020

Living in the Spirit: Romans 8:1-11


Year A, Pentecost 6                                           
Romans 8:1-1                                                                                                             
            There has probably never been a time when people have not attempted to shame one another.  But in the age where almost every cell phone has the capability to take pictures and video, I fear that our shame culture has gotten a little out of control.  To be honest, I am conflicted.  There are many times when posting a video of an incident can get a lot of attention and hold people accountable who wouldn’t otherwise be held accountable.  A good example of this is the murder of George Floyd.  However lately, it seems that people are posting every horrible thing that people say and virtually demanding shame.  While some of the things I have seen and heard have been truly horrible, the reactions have been equally if not more horrible.  It is not unusual for these people who are called out on the internet to get death threats, to lose their job, to be kicked out of their home.  Many of these people are condemned before they can defend themselves. 
And what does that accomplish?  Do we think that people will have a change of heart once publicly shamed?  Many of these people apologize, but those apologies are perceived as insincere, which they probably are.  Because shame doesn’t typically lead to a change of heart. Sometimes it leads to a change in action, but rarely a change of heart.  The problem with this shame culture is people who are well intentioned are wary of saying anything that might be criticized.  That also makes it difficult for people to have honest conversations, which is what we need if we really want to change hearts.
Photo by Zulmaury Saavedra

            
When Paul said, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” he wasn’t just talking about social shaming. He was talking about something much deeper.  He was talking about being condemned by sin—which means you are punished for your sin.  Your sin, your guilt never leaves you.   When Paul says, “There is no condemnation…” ---it doesn’t mean that you are incapable of sin, or even guilt.  It means that you are free from the punishment that comes as a result of that sin. 
For a long time, God’s people believed that the only remedy for sin was the law of the Hebrew Scriptures. The law didn’t prevent sin, it controlled it.   While that was effective in some ways, according to Paul, it never freed people from the bondage of sin.  It was Jesus’ life, death and resurrection that provided that freedom.  “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”  He goes on to say, “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.”  There is a new law and it isn’t really a law, it’s the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus.
            Paul believed that there were two realities, two worlds to which humanity can belong.  There was what he called “the flesh.”  In this passage flesh didn’t refer to the body.  It referred to the world of sin and death.  Then there is the Spirit, that is the world of life, life in Christ.[1] Now, it seems like an easy choice. Why would anyone choose sin and death when you can have life with Christ?  Why?  Because if we were living in Christ, then we could not shame people on the internet. We would not be able to buy loads and loads of toilet paper without considering others who might need it.  We would not be able to see injustice without acting.  Freedom in Christ doesn’t just mean freedom from sin and death.  It means freedom from self-interest, self-loathing and smug judgment of others.  Sometimes it seems easier just to be shackled to sin.
            Imagine for a moment what it would be like to live without fear of condemnation.  It doesn’t mean that you don’t sin.  It means that when you sin, you repent and you move on.  Now that still means you have to confess the sin and repent, but then you move on.  Nothing that you have done or said keeps you up at night.  Nothing that someone else does or says keeps you up at night because you are free from human condemnation.  You live in Christ Jesus.  While that might not be an easy place to live, it’s a place where you never doubt your worthiness.  You never doubt that you are loved.  And when it comes right down to it, isn’t that what we all need the most, to know we are loved and to know we are worthy of that love? 
            Often, the reason people shame others…the reason we find ourselves gawking at that shameful behavior is because it makes us feel better about ourselves.  I mean, hey I have said some stupid things, but I never said that.  Yet if we know that we are worthy and that we are loved—that unlike the internet where every wrong doing is cataloged and remains forever—that our sins are forgiven---then maybe we would not have to judge and shame others.
            If you look at the front of our service leaflet, you will see that our mission statement is to live in the Spirit of Christ.  I have often looked at that and tried to discern what that actually means for the people of St. John’s.  Paul would tell us that it means that sin is no longer our master, we live without fear of condemnation.  Our unofficial motto at St. John’s is “Fighten sin since 1610.”   Someone told me that they had shared that with an acquaintance and the response was, “Well you’re not doing a very good job.” The person was not attacking St. John’s, just pointing out that sin is still prevalent in our world.  And let’s face it, Christians have not done a great job fighting sin.  Christians used the Bible to support the crusades, the inquisition, the slave trade, Nazi Germany…just to name a few.  Not only have we not always fought sin, we have been the sinners.   
While I like the way, “Fighten sin” sounds, I think we have to admit it’s a losing battle.  However, that doesn’t mean we are defeated, not if we live in the Spirit of Christ.  If we live in the Spirit of Christ, even when we sin, we are still free.  We are not condemned by our sin or the sins of those who went before us.  We are not condemned by the fact that we have not effectively fought sin.  As Christians, I am not sure our job is to fight sin as much it is to resist it and then forgive it.  Jesus already fought sin and won.  Now it is our job to live in the Spirit of Christ.  That doesn’t mean we deny the sin that we as Christians have committed, but it also means we are not defined by it.  While I will still proudly wear my fighten sin baseball hat on my head, in my heart, I will be living in the Spirit of Christ---where there is no condemnation. There is love, truth, and forgiveness.
           


Monday, March 20, 2017

No Shame: March 19, 2017

Year A, Lent 3                                                                                   
John 4:5-42                                                                            

            Usually when someone says, “I know what you did” or “I know all about you” it’s not a good thing.  It’s a threat or an attempt to induce guilt or shame.  Thus it has always confused me that this woman at the well went and told the whole town, “Come and see a man who told me everything I have ever done. He cannot be the Messiah, can he?” Why would that be the thing that proved he was the Messiah? Furthermore, why was she so excited about it?

            This Gospel reading is a long one and that is because it was a long conversation.  In fact, it is one of the longest conversations Jesus had that is recorded in the Bible and it was with a Samaritan woman who was alone.  That is three strikes against her already.  Let’s begin with the fact that she was a Samaritan.  To say that the Samaritans and the Jews did not get along well would be like saying the people of Israel and the Palestinians don’t get along.  It’s a huge understatement.  This hostility between the Jews and the Samaritans was centuries old. Some of it had to do with what happened in the past and some was related to how and where they worshipped, which was a big deal at that point. 

            The second and third strikes were that she was a woman and she was alone.  Women typically did not travel far without a male to accompany them.  If they were not with a man who was related to them, they were with other women. Most women went to the well in the morning and the evening when the sun was not so high.  This woman was there in the middle of the day, the hottest part of the day.  Many have assumed that she was avoiding people.  Thus there were many reasons Jesus should have avoided this woman.  Jewish men (especially rabbis) were forbidden to speak to a woman alone who was not related to them.  If seen by others, this would have been a scandal.  She knew all of this which is why she asked, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask a drink of me, a woman of Samaria?”  She already knew that this man was different.

            Things got even stranger as Jesus began to engage her in a theological conversation.  He wasn’t just telling her what to do.  He was not merely making a demand. He was forming a relationship with her.  She must have felt relatively safe because she responded and even argued a little, which was a risky move on her part. Then this theological debate took an unexpected turn.  Jesus asked her to call her husband.  When she told him she had no husband, he conceded that she was telling the truth.  He added that she had five husbands and the man she was living with right now was not even her husband. 

For millennia people have interpreted this statement by Jesus as an accusation of sin.  He was confronting her for her sinful behavior. Clearly this woman was a harlot.  She had five husbands and now she was living with someone she was not married to.  No wonder she was there alone in the middle of the day.  She was avoiding people because she was an outcast.  She knew they were talking about her.  She didn’t need to see their critical gaze.  That is one theory anyhow.  In my opinion, it’s wrong. 

In the time of Jesus, women did not have many rights.  A woman could not ask for divorce.  If this woman at the well was divorced five times, it was because five different men divorced her.  Men did not need a reason to divorce.  There was no extensive paperwork.  All they needed to do was to put it in writing.  There was nothing the woman could do to salvage her marriage. Since there were not many occupations available to woman, the only options for a divorced woman was to remarry, move in with a male relative, beg on the street, prostitute herself or starve.  

While a man could divorce his wife for any reason, there was one situation when divorce was recommended.   Because procreation was a so important in the Jewish faith, if a woman could not bear a child in the first ten years of marriage, it was recommended that the man take an additional wife or divorce and then remarry.[1]  It is very possible that the reason she had been abandoned by so many men was due to barrenness. 

Even if the divorces were a result of her being barren and not an adulteress, people would have thought that there was still something fundamentally wrong with her.  She had been abandoned by the men in her life.  She had been abandoned by God.  The respected women and men of the town were almost surely talking about her and judging her.  More than almost anyone, she needed this living water that Jesus was talking about.  She needed this living water because she was barely alive.

Because of her thirst for hope, love and a relationship with God, she was open to Jesus’s words.  She was ready to hear them.  Instead of hearing what most people hear in this conversation (accusation and shame) she heard a man who knew her and wanted to know her more.  He wanted to share the most important thing in the world, his love and acceptance.  He revealed that he knew her story--some of which was shameful to her because she had likely come to believe what others believed about her.  More important than the fact that he revealed what he knew of her, he also revealed a love and compassion for her.  He didn’t care what others said about her. He knew the truth. He knew her heart, before it was corrupted by pain, shame and fear. 

In addition, he also revealed himself, as the Christ—the Messiah. Jesus did not reveal himself to the most important men of the town.  He did not go to the place of worship and announce that he was the Messiah.  No, he went to her, a Samaritan, a woman, a person alone and abandoned.

Thus when she ran and told the whole town of people who had likely ostracized her to: “Come and see a man who told me everything I have ever done.” ---she was saying that she had met someone who truly knew her and saw past the assumptions and stereotypes.  Because this man, this Messiah had reminded her what it was to feel love and hope, she did not care that she was running into the middle of this town of people who had cast her off.  She didn’t care that they considered her a shameful person.  She had known what it was to live a life of shame.  But now she knew the Messiah and he knew her.  And once she knew that, there was no way she could hold it in.  She had to tell the world.

            People have occasionally told me that they don’t feel comfortable in church because they feel judged.  Others tell me that they worry that if people know the truth, they would not respect them and that is something they don’t want to be reminded of. I think the reason so many people fear being part of a community of faith is combination of those things.  I think people---we---have begun to judge ourselves based on what others have assumed. We have started to believe everything this culture is telling us, that we are not enough.  We have forgotten that the truth lies not in the hearts of others, or even our own, but the heart of God.  More than anything, God wants a relationship with us. God wants to know us and be known by us.  There is no room for shame when it comes to our relationship with God.  No shame.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Cause a Scene: February 18, 2017

Year A, Epiphany 7                                                                 
Matthew 5:38-48                                                                   

            In seminary, one of the requirements was that we interned in a hospital as a chaplain.  We would visit people and mostly listen.  But then we met in a group which was essentially group therapy that was supposed to help us evaluate our behavior.  One the things that was ground into us was that we could never use the phrase, “You make me feel…”  We could say, “I feel sad because of something  that a patient said.”  But we could never say the other person made us feel something because then we were not taking ownership of our feelings.  Not only that, in doing so we were giving someone else power over our feelings. That is not the healthiest mindset and it does not help y ou help others.

In many ways, this concept of power was what Jesus was addressing in our Gospel today.  He was doing so in a very unique way.  If someone hits you, turn your cheek so they can hit the other one.  If someone steals you shirt, give them your coat too.  If someone takes advantage of you by making you carry their luggage for a mile, carry it another mile! This is not just unique, it’s plain crazy. Is this really how Christians are supposed to act---like doormats? It makes us appear weak, doesn’t it?  Who would ever want to associate with such weakness?

            As usual, there is more to this text than meets the eye.  First of all, remember who Jesus was talking to at this time.  These statements are part of the Sermon on the Mount---which we have been listening to for the last month.  Jesus was talking to a large group of followers, most of whom were poor.  They were also Jewish people living in Palestine, which means they were under Roman rule. They had very few rights.  Some of the examples that Jesus used in this reading were examples of people who had lost their rights and who were being taken advantage of. 

Let us consider the prevailing culture of the time.  Defending honor and avoiding shame (especially public displays of shame) were prevalent themes.  It is also a theme throughout the Old and New Testaments.   Battles were fought because one’s honor had been offended.  Family and friends were divided because of honor and shame.  Punishment was given to restore honor.  Often times the retaliation or punishment was greater in proportion to the crime itself.  The Old Testament sought to address this disproportion by limiting retaliation by essentially saying, “no more than an eye for an eye.”  For example, if someone punches you in face, it would not be appropriate to then kill them.  By the time Jesus was born, Jewish law had evolved by specifying a monetary fine for certain crimes.  Jesus of course, took it a few steps further.

            In Middle Eastern culture, to slap someone’s face was extremely offensive.  Just like today, people don’t usually slap people when they want to harm them.  They want to make a point.  You will notice from our reading that Jesus specifies the right side of the face.  Assuming that most people are right handed, to slap someone on the right side of the face, would mean you would have to backhand them.  This was pretty much the worst kind of insult you could inflict on someone.  It dishonored the person being slapped. The way to regain that honor was to return the slap.  Jesus was telling people to resist the urge to slap back.  By resisting the urge to retaliate, you were basically saying, “I cannot be dishonored that easily because you don’t have that kind of power over me.” 

            In the 2nd example, Jesus says that if anyone wants to sue you for your coat you give them your cloak as well.  This is commonly explained, “If someone takes your shirt, give them your coat as well.”  That is not an accurate translation.   At the time, this was actually a legal transaction.  If you were in debt (which a lot of poor people were---and still are for that matter), you would give your coat as pledge that you would repay the debt. At this time the coat was more of a tunic (and undergarment).  Poor people would almost surely have two of them. While losing one would be a loss, it would not be a life threatening.  What would be life threatening would be losing your cloak.  A poor person would only have one.  It was used not only to shield you from the cold during the day, but as a blanket at night. 

Why would Jesus tell these people to give up their cloak after they had already given up their tunic?  This meant that you were naked.  In using this example, Jesus was being more metaphorical than literal.  By giving up your clothing, you reveal yourself.  But not only do you reveal yourself, you reveal the shame of the person who is forcing  you to reveal yourself.  It becomes evident to all how extreme and unfair the punishment is.  It brings things out in the open.

            The third example is referring to the right of the Roman soldier to force a Jewish person to carry their load (whatever that might be) for a mile.  This was also a way to shame the community because it was further proof that someone had power over them.  However, there were limits to the power.  The Roman soldier was only allowed to force the Jew to go one mile.  If they went more, the soldier could get in trouble.  By going the extra mile, the person was once again displaying the unjustness of the society that they were living in.  While a mile was perceived as reasonable by the Romans, more than that was uncivilized.[1]  It got people’s attention.

            By making these requests, Jesus was not asking people to be weak.  He was asking for strength and refusal to be shamed no matter who had the perceived power in the situation.  This power differential continues in our society in many ways.  Some of these ways are less obvious than others.  How many of us, regardless of whether we feel poor or oppressed, have given someone else power over ourselves—meaning the power to affect our feelings and our self-worth?  It is pretty common. There are hundreds of self-help books devoted to the topic of self-empowerment.  We don’t need the self-help books, because Jesus addressed it here in the 1st century. 

The main difference between Jesus and the self-help books is that Jesus was not just talking about self-empowerment; he was talking about God-empowerment.  If your identity and your essence is rooted in God, then no person, no entity can shame you.  To be rooted in the identity of God means that you are inherently good and beautiful as you are made in God’s image.

Not only that, we have the power and the responsibility to stand up for those people who are being oppressed.  Jesus was not saying, “If someone is treating you unfairly, you might as well just give in and not cause a scene.”  He was saying, “Cause a scene--but not with violence, with honesty and your God given power---the power that no one can take away from you.”  Martin Luther King and Gandhi were both inspired by these words of Jesus. They were empowered by these words.  They changed the world with these words. 

In many ways Jesus died because he refused to appease the power structure of his day.  Then Christians did a crazy thing.  They took the cross, a symbol of Roman oppression and cruelty and they turned into a symbol of hope and redemption.  Let us remember that when we gaze at the beautiful crosses in our churches. They were not always so beautiful.  They were bloody and cruel.  Jesus transformed the cross and has also transformed us so that we can continue to be symbols and enablers of transformation in this world.  Later in the Gospel of Matthew Jesus told his disciples, “‘Have no fear of them; for nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, and nothing secret that will not become known. What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light; and what you hear whispered, proclaim from the housetops.  Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.’”[2]



[1] Explanations of the 3 examples were found in: Let the Scriptures Speak by Dennis Hamm   http://liturgy.slu.edu/7OrdA021917/theword_hamm.html
[2] Matthew 10:26-28a