It's Ok to be Sad on Christmas
Year
B, Advent 3
Isaiah 61:1-4, 8-11, Psalm 126, & 1 Thess 5:1-24
Isaiah 61:1-4, 8-11, Psalm 126, & 1 Thess 5:1-24
Finally, we have some perkier
readings. They are not about sorrow,
repentance, sin, or the end of the world.
Now we can really get into the Christmas cheer! We even light a pink candle, and that is so
much prettier. Some people even call
this joy Sunday because of the apparent shift in the tenor of the readings. The word joy is used 3 times in our 7 verse
Psalm. We also hear references to joy in
Isaiah. After some serious downers over
the past couple of weeks, Isaiah appears to be all about gladness and rejoicing
today. Even Paul, who has never been
described as perky starts this portion of his letter to the Thessalonians with
“Rejoice always…”
I looked at these texts and I
thought, thank goodness we are through with all of those depressing texts. Now we can really get ready for the fun part
of Christmas. I can put up my Christmas decorations without feeling mildly
guilty. I can listen to Christmas music,
especially the happy stuff. But that
eagerness passed pretty quickly as I realized I was not ready to let go to the
contemplative and countercultural aspects of Advent.
The longer I spend as priest in the
church, the more I realize that while Christmas is a happy time for many, it is
a difficult time for many as well. I
have talked to several colleagues and we have all agreed that more people die
or get very sick during this time than any other. That means that there are more families who
are mourning either a very recent loss or the anniversary of a loss. Even if you did not lose a loved one during
this time, you are certainly reminded of that loss in a time when we talk about
the importance of being with your friends and family. The implication is that if you are not with
friends and family, then you aren’t really celebrating Christmas.
I have not experienced the loss that
many of you have, but I find that Christmas always makes me a little
melancholy. I experience that feeling
whenever I am in a place or a time when I feel this pressure to be cheerful and
happy, when I feel as though I have to hide any negative emotions, even minor
ones.
I am not sharing this because I am
trying to make you all sad and suck the cheer out of the holiday, but because I
know that there are a lot of people who suffer at this time of year, and if we
talk about it and bring it out into the open, then maybe more people will feel
comfortable in church. A lot of people
are afraid to show any kind of negative feeling in church. They feel as though they need to put on their
best face when they come to church. People
often tell me they don’t come to church because it makes them cry and they do
not want to cry in front of other people.
While I understand that discomfort, I think that church should be the one
public place where crying is absolutely ok.
Before I was a priest I used to occasionally cry in church because it
was a place where I felt safe and free to be vulnerable. I wish that for all of you.
Let me tell you a little secret
about these texts about joy. They are
not texts about pure joy or perfect bliss.
They are a little more complex than that. Let’s consider Isaiah. Isaiah proclaimed that
he was bringing “good news to the oppressed, to bind up the broken hearted… to
comfort all who mourn…- to give them…the oil of gladness instead of mourning….” He would not have been asking God to bind up the
broken hearted or comfort the mourners if the people were not broken hearted
and mourning.
We have been hearing from Isaiah for
several weeks and we know that the people of Judah have been going through
numerous ups and down. They were exiled
in Babylon where they spent all their time hoping for a return to
Jerusalem. When they returned, they were
devastated to see the place was in ruins.
They continued to struggle as they rebuilt and there is no evidence in
the Book of Isaiah that it was an easy task.
There was no happy ending for the people of Israel, at least not the
kind of happy ending we expect around Christmas. Yes they came home. Yes, they were eventually able to rebuild;
but it was never easy. By the time Jesus
was born, they were under the control of the Romans and desperate for a Messiah
to save them.
The
Psalm also appears happier than it is.
It begins with them reminiscing about the good times when God was
present in their lives and their mouths were filled with laughter. But things have changed and now they are
asking God to restore their fortunes.
The end of the Psalm reads, “Those who sowed with tears will reap with
songs of joy.” The people are weeping
now and asking God for a time when they will be singing songs of joy...but
right now they are weeping.
Paul is both easier and harder to
explain. He explains why we should
rejoice always. We rejoice because that
is the will of God. You might think,
well that is even more pressure! I have
to be cheerful because God wants me to be cheerful. But joy is not the same thing as cheerful and
happy. I just received one of those
Christmas cards with a child laughing and then it just says, “Joyful” (or
something like that). Those are cute
cards, but they don’t always send the right message. Being joyful is not always about laughing and
having fun. It’s about rejoicing in the Lord.
Now I realize that sounds horribly
vague. A couple of years I got another
Christmas card from a friend with three children. On one side of the card was a picture of the
three children looking cute and happy.
On the other side was a picture of the whole family, a couple people
with strained smiles, one child clearly having a fit and the father pretending
to sob (at least I assume he was pretending).
That I think is a better picture of Christian joy. It’s messier than the joy that is advertised
on tv, catalogues and cards. Sometimes
real life can bring us, pain, loneliness and fear. None of those things sound joyful, but
someone experiencing those things can still know the joy of God. Sadness isn’t always a bad thing. It’s a part of who we are. More importantly, it is part of who Jesus was
and is. Jesus experienced the complex
array of human emotions.
Frederick Buechner, a Christian
writer and preacher, wrote that tears are often God speaking to us about the
mystery of where we have come from and where God is calling us next.[1] This is not always the case, but consider
those moments when either you just cry out of nowhere or you feel that need to
cry and you don’t. And I am not just
talking about tears of sadness…but all those powerful emotions that come with
tears: anger, fear, elation, grief, relief, etc. What if God is speaking to you in those
moments? And if we take those moments to
consider what God is saying, or even just consider God, then we will find Christian
joy. Anytime we interact with the sacred
and the holy…that is a time of joy even if it is cloaked in tears.
If you are sad on Christmas, please
don’t feel ashamed or like you are less of a Christian. Let yourself cry, even in church on Christmas
Eve. Find comfort in that release, that
moment where God nourishes those dry places in your life. If you are happy on Christmas, then that’s
great too. But don’t just let it end
there. Look for Jesus in your
happiness. If you can find him there,
then you will find true Christian joy.
When those two things come together, it is immensely beautiful. If you are happy, find someone who is
not. Don’t tell them to cheer up. Don’t tell them how happy you are. Tell them that you care about them. That is greatest gift you can give. That is the gift that Jesus gave us when he
became human. In this act he was saying,
“I love you so much that I am here with you, in your pain, your fear, and your
laughter.” That is where we can always
find joy, in the presence of Jesus here with us.
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