Strength in Weakness: July 26

 Year A, Pentecost 9                                         Romans 8:26-39                                                                 

I went to a Presbyterian seminary in my early 20s.  I was Roman Catholic at the time and had never once been asked to pray extemporaneously…that means without any preparation. I had been active in a church and college ministry, but that was not something that Catholics did. Presbyterians are much more accustomed to writing their own prayers and often leading prayer without writing it out in advance.  Every week, the women on the 3^rd floor of my dorm would get together for prayer and conversation.  People were called on for opening and closing prayers.  I told them that I wasn’t comfortable with that and asked that they not call on me.  After a few months they said, “Well, can’t you just lead a Catholic prayer that you know?”  We did the Hail Mary, which also felt weird.  I became good at just avoiding it in general.

When I was studying at the Episcopal Seminary I was rarely called on to lead prayer that wasn’t in the prayer book…which meant I didn’t get any practice coming up with my own prayers. At my first clergy conference, the bishop had this fun habit of inviting the newest clergy to lead the prayer before a meal. He asked me and I politely declined…in front of everyone.  There is nothing more terrifying than leading a prayer in front of a bunch of clergy, especially when you are brand new and the youngest one there.  A few years later, one of my colleagues said, “Telling the bishop you wouldn’t pray was one of the craziest things I had ever seen. I didn’t think you would make it to the next clergy conference.”  But here I am, 20 years later.  And you know what…it still makes me nervous when someone asks me to pray out loud….and I am a priest.

          For that reason and at least a few more, I have always loved these words from Paul. “The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.”  Paul was obviously a gifted writer and speaker. If he wasn’t, we wouldn’t still be reading him today.  Yet it would seem, that even he had his moments when he didn’t feel like he could pray.  Maybe it was the times he was imprisoned...or ship wrecked, or beaten.  Those are all possibilities.  Or perhaps, it was those time when he felt that he had to prove himself over and over again, because he wasn’t one of the original apostles. He often felt the need to defend himself as he was one of the few leaders of this very new church who had never even met Jesus when he was still alive. 

It’s impossible to know when it was hardest for him.  I have had times in my life when it was hard, even impossible to pray.  Sometimes when it felt like it should have been hard, the prayer came with ease.  Even as I wrote this sermon, I couldn’t quite pinpoint why sometimes prayer felt impossible, and other times, it flowed like a mighty river, just gushing forth. I share all this because I know a lot of people who perceive that their struggle to pray makes them less of a Christian.  However, I believe that the struggle is what brings us closer to God.  I think the other thing that can bring us closer to God is our ability to acknowledge our weakness and thus our dependence on God.

          Some version of the word “weak” is used 42 times in the New Testament.  32 of those times are in Paul’s letters.  In the Old Testament, weak is only used with negative associations or when talking about the need to help and protect the weak.  What I have always appreciated about Paul is his willingness to acknowledge his own weakness…not as a failure, not even as something that needs to be fixed, but an opportunity to strengthen one’s relationship with God. 

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul talked about a thorn in his flesh…something he begged God to take away from him.  There are a lot of theories about what this thorn might have been, but we really can’t know for sure.  What we know is that it was a thorn that remained his whole life. It was something that he never overcame, never rid himself of.  While God didn’t remove the thorn, God did respond to the prayer. God said “’My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” That led Paul to conclude, “For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

          I am not proud of my refusal to pray out load at my first clergy conference.  My refusal didn’t come from a place of humility or awareness of my weakness.  It came from a place of fear and anxiety…a need that people not judge me on something that I didn’t have time to prepare.  Ironically, about 15 years after that refusal to pray publicly, a friend of mine and I decided to write a book of prayers about our experiences being gravely ill.  Both of us realized that when we were sick and afraid, we couldn’t pray, which was confusing for us because we were both clergy.  You would think if anyone could have figured it out, we could have. 

But it was almost like our training got in the way.  We had forgotten the words of Paul were not just words to preach about, they were words to experience.   We called the book Irreverent Prayers, not because the prayers were actually irreverent, but because the groaning and sighing that we experienced as prayer just didn’t feel reverent or holy.  It felt desperate.  It also felt real, and I think that’s all God really cares about, that our prayers are real and mean something.

          If you are struggling with prayer, then that means you haven’t given up.  If you feel like you can’t find the right words, then that’s when you get to groan or sigh or cry.  If your prayers contain swear words, just don’t say those prayers out loud in a large group. Don’t try to censor yourself before God.  Don’t feel shame for what you want to say or are afraid to say.

Paul wrote, “God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit…” God has already searched our hearts.  God already knows all of us, and God loves us not despite our weakness, but because of our weakness.  Our weaknesses gives God something to work with.

In the Gospels, it was always the proud and the confident that Jesus argued with and was critical of.  It was never the weak and the vulnerable. Jesus never reprimanded someone for genuine questions. The only questions he didn’t like were the ones that were trying to trap or trick him. If you are feeling weak, or afraid, or hopeless—that’s ok.  It’s hard to feel those things, but it doesn’t mean you are not holy or beloved by God.  You were created for holiness and goodness.  Don’t let fear or weakness be a reason to give up. Instead, let it be a reason to invite God into your life in the most authentic way possible.

Could it be....Satan?: July 30 2023

 Year A, Pentecost 9                                                            Romans 8:26-39                                                                   

            I have always loved this reading from Romans.  I use it when I talk to people about prayer.  “The Spirit helps us in our weakness when we do not know how to pray…” We often use it in funerals.  “I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come… nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God...” 

It’s the reference to death that leads us to use it in funerals.  Yet notice that Paul isn’t just talking about death separating us from the love of God...Paul mentions that life can’t separate us from the love of God.  We rarely focus on that part of the reading, but it’s so much more relevant for our day to day lives.  I don’t think most people spend a lot of time worrying about what comes after they die, at least not until we are close to death or have some brush with death (ours or someone else’s).  Most of us are more focused on what we are going through  now, or next week.  I believe that was what Paul was concerned with as well.

            When Paul talked about being separated from the love of Christ, he didn’t start with what could separate us, but who could separate us.  I am not sure how many of you were watching Saturday Night Live in the late 80s and 90s, but there was a very well known bit called “The Church Lady.”  One of the things she was known for was bringing on guests, judging them harshly and accusing them of being Satan.  Her famous line was, “Could it be…Satan?” There are some Christians who like to blame everything on Satan and certainly evil is at the heart of why a lot of bad things happen.  But when Paul was talking about who would separate us from the love of Christ, I don’t think he was talking about Satan.

It’s possible he was talking about other people who could lead us down the wrong path. At the very end, he mentions rulers among the possible things or people who can separate us from God’s love.   One could make a case for people in power being guilty of that to some extent.  But I think the most common person who separates us from God’s love is ourselves.  How often do we get in our own way in our relationship with God? We can blame it on other people, we can even blame it on Satan, but most of the time, it’s us.

            After asking “Who will separate us from the love of Christ?”---he moves onto what could separate us.  Examples include: hardship, distress, persecution, famine, peril or violence.  In other words---suffering.  There have been times in my life when suffering drew me closer to God, but there have also been times when suffering drew me away from God.  I wish I could tell you what the difference was, how to ensure that whatever suffering you might be experiencing would draw you closer, not further.  I have not yet figured that out.  Fortunately, Paul did.  The suffering that Paul mentions---hardship, distress, persecution, danger, violence---all of that were things he had personally experienced.  That suffering was also present in the communities that he had encountered and ministered to.  What he learned through those experiences was that nothing in all creation could possibly separate us (God’s children) from the love of Christ because God would not allow that to happen. 

            It is tempting to think that it’s in our hands, that we have more control than God over our connection to God.  But the whole point of this text is that God is in control. If we are able to release our tight grip on every part of our life, then we can better hold on to our relationship with God.  Remember how this whole text starts.  “The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.  And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit…”  There are so many times when I think, well if I just used the right words in this sermon, then people would be able to understand.  And then I stress and sweat and labor over words that shouldn’t even be my words.  It’s so hard not to want to control God.

            I start every sermon with: “In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.”  Many clergy start that way, and there are some critics of that beginning who say that it’s kind of presumptuous.  By starting that way, it implies the clergy is speaking on behalf of God.  I have always started that way because that is the way I was taught.  It never occurred to me that it was presumptuous.  But the more I think about it, the more I realize that it’s a statement of hope as much as anything else. I know I don’t speak on behalf of God. But I hope and pray that God somehow speaks through me…that God’s spirit intercedes between what I say and what you hear so that you will hear the words that you need to hear.

            I am telling you this, partly because it’s relevant as it’s an Instructed Eucharist[1] and we are trying to teach why we say what we do, but partly because I wanted to emphasize how hard it is to release control over our lives.  I have to remind myself every time I preach that I am not in control of what you hear or what you need to hear. So I get it. I get it that people in their daily lives feel the need to control things. 

Obviously, we have to plan and act.  We can’t just do nothing and assume God will take care of the rest.  Dinner isn’t just going to appear on your table.  You have to go to the store and then prepare the food, or at the very least, order the pizza. But when it comes to understanding suffering or why certain things happen, well those are things that distract us more than anything else.  There is so much that we allow to separate us from God….but there is nothing that God will allow to separate us from him. I am going to say that again: There is so much that we allow to separate us from God….but there is nothing that God will allow to separate us from him. Sometimes the best thing we can do is to get out of our own way and in doing so, make space for the one true God. 

            How does one do that? Partly it’s by making more time in your life for God.  Recently I was reading a devotional and it said that when most of us hear that the greatest commandment is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.” we take that to mean: “Just try not to forget about God.” If we spent as much time dedicated to our families as we do to God, we would probably be considered negligent.  And I am including myself in that assessment.  Make time for worship, for prayer, for study, and for listening to God.  Like our reading says, God is searching our hearts.  God knows our hearts.  It’s time that we get to know God’s heart as well.

           

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[1] An Instructed Eucharist is a regular service with some added explanation that is presented both verbally and in the bulletin.  We do it over a 2 week period.  This week we are focusing on liturgy of the word.

July 27, 2014: Romans 8:26-39

Year A, Pentecost 7                                    

            The Book of Common Prayer is full of absolutely beautiful prayers.  They are eloquent and theologically sound.   They are often Biblically based.  Some of these prayers can be found in our Sunday morning service, but certainly not all.  If you only open it when you come to church on Sunday, you have probably only experienced about 10% of the prayers.   As Episcopalians, and people of the book, we should never be at a loss for words, especially now that you can access the BCP on your phone. 

I love these prayers and I know many of you do as well.  But there are other Christians who find it a little strange that we read our prayers from a book.  Many Christians find it inauthentic, as if we are only going through the motions.  I can see that perspective.  Sometimes we are going through the motions.  Occasionally I will be reading a prayer and realize that I have been thinking about something else the whole time.   Yet when you are composing a prayer…it’s pretty hard for your mind to wander.  If it did, it would be pretty obvious. 

            There is no right way to pray.  The Apostle Paul (who was never at a loss for words) wrote to the Roman community: “The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.”   When I think of a sigh, I think of something rather dignified, something that would be totally appropriate in an Episcopal Church.  However, most translations use the word groaning instead of sigh.  That sounds a lot less dignified.  That sounds like someone in pain, or at least very frustrated.   If the person next to you were sighing, you would probably be ok with that.  If they were groaning, well that might get a little awkward.  You might find yourself sliding in the opposite direction.

            It is not really clear in the text whether the Spirit is groaning on our behalf, or if our literal groans are the work of the Spirit. It might not matter.  Personally I would much rather have the Spirit groan on my behalf as I read an eloquent and theologically correct prayer.  Since there is no right way to pray, I think God would probably be ok with that method.  However, I worry when prayer feels too dignified.  For me, when my prayers have felt the most authentic and the most powerful were when they came out with tears and sometimes anger.  There has been occasional teeth gnashing, foot stomping.  Sometimes my prayers come out in laughter and tears of joy. These seem to be the ones that change me the most.

This does not mean that those other prayers that lacked laughter, tears or stomping have not been true or real.  They absolutely have been. In fact, I think it is those prayers that prepare us for the prayers that come out as groans.  Those prayers equip us with a sacred vocabulary, even if we choose not to use it.  Those prayers are what we come back to when the storm is over and we find ourselves exhausted.  It is those times when it is all you can do to even read the words in front of you…but you do because that’s what you need right at that moment. 

            Some interpret this passage as Paul not only saying that we do not know how to pray, but we do not even know what to pray.  If God searches our heart and can interpret those spirit sighs…it is only God who knows what we are praying for.  I find that a tad annoying.  I should have some say in what I am praying for.  Otherwise, why use any words at all? It’s not that we do not determine our own prayer; we just don’t always know what is in our head.  Sometimes our deepest needs and desires get stuck in our heart and never make it to the part of us that formulates the words.  Thankfully, God is there searching our heart…learning every nook and cranny so we can become the Christian we are meant to be. 

            What is our part in this complicated word scramble?  If God is searching our heart and the spirit is groaning on our behalf it would seem that we could live our life and not have to worry about God or faith.  It’s as if we outsourced our prayer life to people who can do it more effectively than us.  There is one tiny problem with that scenario.  There appear to be some hearts that God and the spirit just don’t have access to.  Sure, God could shove his way through like a big bouncer at a club, but that’s not God’s style.  Jesus never operated that way.  Jesus never forced himself on people.  He invited them to follow him.  He invited them to come a little closer.  God has delivered an invitation to each one of us, but we have not all responded.   Perhaps like a good Episcopalian you are thinking, well of course I responded….when I was in confirmed (5, 20, 40, 60 years ago). 

It would be nice if it were that easy.  But it’s not a one and done type deal.  You can’t invite God in and ignore him.  Sometimes you need to invite God in over and over again.  I imagine that most of us have had those times in our lives when our heart has gotten a little closed off and we have shoved God out .  Often it is more subtle than a shove.  We just did not have time for God.  There are other demands on us and God can be a pretty high maintenance house guest.  He’s got a lot of demands and that might get in the way of our social life,  job, sports, or the Desperate House Wives marathon.

That is where weekly worship or even written prayers come in handy.  We need a reminder—a constant reminder of who we are as Christians.  We might not have the discipline to read the Bible every day.  We might be too emotionally spent even to groan.  So we come back to this service, not just for solace but for strength.  It reminds me of that phrase, “fake it until you make it.”  It sounds insincere, but I think there might be something to it.  Even for a priest, there are times when I do not want to come to church, when I don’t feel like I have the strength to say prayers and sing the hymns.  It is those times when I am so grateful that I have this tradition of prayers and worship, and a community of people to worship with.  There are no excuses not to pray.  The prayers are right there in front of me. 

And maybe there are moments, I have a hard time believing every prayer.  But I know that God is still there working through every nook and cranny of my heart ensuring that the Spirit is there to translate my groans into heartfelt prayer.   Because the more I read the prayers, the more I believe them and the more I feel them. I believe that is true for all of us.  There will be times when it is really hard to pray, really hard to believe the things we pray.  It is those times when it is even more important to show up, to open your heart, open your mouth and let God take it from there.