Jesus is even in the conflicts: Sept 10, 2023

Year A, Pentecost 15                                         Matthew 18:15-20

                The first time I looked at the Gospel reading for Sunday, I thought…great…it’s my last Sunday and the Gospel reading is about church discipline. Maybe the epistle reading is better. I mean it starts well, “love one another.”  Then it devolves into exhortations on what to avoid: adultery, murder, drunkenness, debauchery and licentiousness.  Fantastic.  The Old Testament reading wasn’t much better. Of course, they all have some redeeming qualities, but I was hoping for something a little easier for my last Sunday.  But…as I have mentioned several times in sermons, Christianity isn’t supposed to be easy. 

                To really get a good understanding of this reading from Matthew, you need to read the whole chapter, because as is so often case, context is everything.  When we read just these 5 verses, we see the accusatory part.  It doesn’t sound much like Jesus.  Aren’t we supposed to forgive 7 times 70 times. Yet here it seems he’s telling the community that they can cast out members who refuse to cooperate.  And the language…Jesus says you should treat them as you do a Gentile or tax collector.  That’s not good.  The people he was talking to didn’t like Gentiles or tax collectors. They wouldn’t eat with them, and they definitely wouldn’t worship with them.  Yet we see Jesus eat with those outcasts.  We see him defend them and even name one (Matthew) a disciple.  Why would Jesus change course and tell people there is a limit to forgiveness and that Gentiles and tax collectors should be maligned?

                Again, it all comes back to context.  The chapter begins with Jesus telling people that they must welcome little children.  Now, in our day and age, this would seem like a no brainer.  Of course Jesus would love the little children.  We have a song about it.  Back then, children weren’t valued as they are today.  Most people treated them as they would treat an outcast.  Then right before our reading for today, Jesus tells the story of the shepherd who has 100 sheep and loses one.  What does the shepherd do?  He goes after the straggler…the one who wandered away. Jesus has and will always care for those who are typically left behind.  He also cares for the sinners, which is all of us.  Jesus would not have wanted someone cast out of the church.  Jesus would want people to stay in relationship…not just with their God, but with one another. 

                The last line is a very well known line.  We used it a lot during COVID, when we recorded the service with only a few people in this sanctuary.  “For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am among them.”  We quote that line when we need a reminder that God is in the midst of us…always.  But it’s interesting—that this line would come right after talking about people in a church not listening to one another.  Jesus wanted to remind us, sure he’s here for a lovely service like this one.  But he’s also here when we are arguing with one another, when we are in conflict, when we are in transition.  Those are the times when we need him the most, but also the times when we tend to ignore him the most.

                And I don’t like to brag….but I already knew that.  Because we have had a few conflicts in my time here.  There have been a few arguments.  That’s normal.  One of the many things I have admired about this church is that people almost always stay polite.  Now some might say, well that’s just keeping up appearances.  I don’t think so. A little kindness goes along way.   Maintaining the lines of communication is what allows us to stay in relationship.  I haven’t always been able to do it, but most of the time, I have--- because people have been willing and that means everything.

                That is what Jesus is talking about here.  It’s about people remaining in relationship even when they disagree.  It’s not just the pastor remaining in relationship with everyone, it’s about you all remaining in relationship with one another.  And that is going to be even more important in this transition period.  There are going to be some things you don’t agree on.  That’s ok.  Whatever you do-- don’t avoid one another.  Have the hard conversations because I can tell you from experience that you all are more than capable of that.  I know that southern hospitality makes that tricky sometimes, but you can do it. You have to do it.  Not because I am telling you, but because that is what Jesus is saying in this text.  Jesus is the messiah who cares for the outcasts and the marginalized.  Jesus is the shepherd who goes after that one sheep who wanders away.  And do you know why he can leave the 99…because there are 99 of them, and they can take care of one another.  If you notice someone is missing, don’t wait for the pastor to do something about it.  Absolutely, tell the pastor. But then call them.  I asked Patrick to print some extra directories.  They are in the parish hall.  Call that person. 

                Yesterday we had a funeral for Kevin Eley, who died too soon.  His obituary said that he had no regrets or deeds left undone.  What an amazing thing.  Most of us do not live a life without regrets.  Thankfully we are Christian, which means we always have opportunities for redemption.  This Gospel reading isn’t about discipline. It’s about how we seek redemption, with one another and with God. It’s about how we find a way to love one another, even when we don’t vote for the same people or have the same opinions about a confederate monument.

                While it’s true that we have been through our share of conflict, much of the time has been joyful.  Do you remember that first Easter when we could worship in person? Or the first fellowship event we could have? Or the many baptisms and weddings. I have seen you all show up for one another (and for me) again and again.  I know some of you are anxious about what is to come.   That’s normal.  Change is always scary. This church has been through 3 wars…wars that directly affected this building, hurricanes, flooding, a lightning strike and 47 rectors.  Some of you are new to the church and some of you sit in a pew where your great grandparents worshipped.  Some of you are Republicans and some are Democrats.  Some of you have lived here all your life and some have just moved here. You are a magnificent quilt made of many different patterns.  The back of the quilt shows something that looks discordant and a little messy.  The front is a wonder to see. This building is historic and precious, but the people in this building are so much more.  You are children of God, beloved by your creator and me your 47^th rector.

Picture of my last Sunday by Bob Harper

May 2, 2021: Being right isn't enough

 Year B, Easter 5                                                                 1 John 4:7-21                                                             

            In the church, we like to discuss the humility of Jesus Christ.  Typically when we are referring to his humility, we are talking about his humble origins—being born in a barn to a poor couple with no connections.  Or…we focus on his death on a cross, the experience of being stripped, whipped and then hung on a cross between two criminals.  It was a method of killing that was meant to humiliate.

However, while his birth and death are powerful images, they are not very relatable displays of humility.  Where I see Christ’s humility most abundantly is in his ability to love people, even when they were wrong.  Jesus was the very embodiment of the truth, yet ironically, he was often considered wrong.   He was judged or scolded by not only the religious leaders of the time—but sometimes--- his own disciples.

 He knew he was right.  If he had wanted to, he could have forced people to see the error of their ways, but he chose not to.  Why?  We know he wasn’t a pushover.  He still corrected people and taught people.  He spoke the truth.  He engaged in debate, but it was always out of a place of love.  He was right.  He was always right and even he allowed himself the humanity of not being able to convince people of how right he was.  That….from an all-powerful, all knowing God…that is humility.

            We often act like church conflict is a modern phenomenon, or at least a phenomenon of the last 500 years.  But conflict in the church has existed as long as the church has existed.  1^st John was written in about 100 AD.  By this time, the Christian community was somewhat established.  There was some structure and even doctrine to an extent.  Once there was a core set of beliefs, people started arguing about that core set of beliefs.  That was what was probably happening in this community that the author was writing about.  People were arguing and they were so mad at one another, some left the community all together. 

            The author of 1^st John was working hard to remind people in the community to love another—not because they were all of one mind, not because they were Christians, not even because they deserved to be loved, but because God loved them.  That was it. That was the only reason that mattered—the only reason that still matters.  We love one another because God loved us first. 

And it wasn’t a gentle admonition the author was giving.  He said, “Those who say, ‘ love God,’ and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars…”  If you cannot show love to your fellow believers, then you cannot love God.   That was the interesting part of this.  He wasn’t even talking about their enemies; the author was talking about the people in their own community.  And that makes sense when you think about it. It’s harder to sincerely love the people we know than those who we don’t really know at all.

            This idea of loving one another is not new to 1^st John.  We hear about it in the Gospels, most potently in the Gospel of John.   At the Last Supper, Jesus told his disciples, “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another.  Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” 

Jesus said this to his disciples, right after Judas left to betray him and immediately before he told Peter that he would deny him (which by the way, Peter told him he was wrong about that.)  In the midst of all that pain, he washed their feet and shared a meal. He was showing his disciples what it was to love people, even when they have betrayed and denied you, even when they have deserted the community.  Jesus knew what they would face after his death, resurrection and ascension.  He knew how hard it would be establishing the Christian community.  He wanted them to see what it looked like, to love people who hurt you. 

            On the one hand, this all seems so obvious.  Of course we are supposed to love one another. We hear that over and over! But the rationale is less obvious.  Imagine a parent saying to his/her bickering children, “I love you and therefore, you must love one another.” I am not sure that would be very effective. 

But there is more at stake than simply how we treat one another.  The author wrote, “if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us.” The word that is translated to perfect in Greek doesn’t define perfect in the way we perceive perfection. It doesn’t mean without flaw or sin. It means completed or fulfilled its purpose.  We must love one another because that is how God’s love for us is complete.  It’s a full circle.  God loves us. We love one another.  God’s love is made complete when we love one another.  God’s love lives in us and thus we love God.  This is not simply what we are asked to do as Christians, it is our primary purpose.  It is our very reason for being.

There has been a constant tension in the Christian faith between maintaining the doctrine of our faith and loving those who we may perceive are compromising that doctrine. We have seen it in a microcosm in the Episcopal Church over the last 20 years.  We could not agree about gay marriage and ordination, so a large amount of people left.  I am not saying they were wrong to leave.  That would kind of defeat the purpose of this whole sermon.  But it split the community.  It didn’t help us get along.  It didn’t solve any problems.  It just ensured that we wouldn’t even try to talk anymore.  They can’t learn from us. We can’t learn from them.  That makes it a lot harder to love another.

So what is the answer?  For once, it’s fairly obvious—but not easy.  We do as Jesus did.  We continue to engage in dialogue with those whom we disagree. We recognize that no matter how well we make our case, we may never convince our brothers and sisters in Christ of that case.  Yet despite that, we continue to come to the table as Jesus did at the last supper. We share the bread and the wine.  We even serve one another as Jesus did when he washed the disciples’ feet. We follow Jesus’ example. 

That doesn’t mean we can no longer stand up for what we believe in.  The author of John says that when we love one another and make God’s love complete, then “we may have boldness on the day of judgment, because as he is, so are we in this world.” That is the great irony in this.  We think that not being victorious in an argument makes us look weaker. But in terms of our relationship with God, we have become bolder, more fearless.  I think the key is that we never stop trying to make our point. We do it as gracefully as possible, but we keep doing it, while also making sure that we listen even more than new speak.  I know this is hard, especially for a preacher.  But it is what God asks us.  Be bold. Be fearless. But above all, be loving.

Photo by Harli Marten

Stay at the Table: January 31, 2021

 Year B, Epiphany 4                                             1 Corinthians 8                                                  

          Often times we read scripture and it’s easy to see how it relates to our life.  But today’s readings seem completely irrelevant to us.  In the Gospel reading, Jesus exorcized a demon from a man…not something we encounter much today.  In Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, Paul addressed the big argument over meat sacrificed to idols.  Now, I have had a few people tell me they thought they were possessed.  It’s rare, but it happens.  But I have never once had someone express concern over meat being sacrificed to idols.   

          Yet, like so much of the Bible, there is more to these stories than meets the eye.  In fact, I would venture to say that this part of Paul’s letter to the Corinthians is probably one of the most relevant things that Paul tells us for our lives today. 

          To understand why that is true, it is helpful to know a little about Corinth and the Corinthian people.  At the time when Paul was writing his letter, Corinth was a diverse and cultured urban center.  Most of the people were not Jewish.  Thus when they became followers of Christ, they were converting to a very different way of life.  For the Jewish converts, it was an easier transition.

Corinth was an epicenter of pagan worship.  You go to Hampton to sail and eat crabs.  You went to Corinth to be in a community of people who worshipped multiple gods and did it in a fairly big way.  While the Christian community was growing, it was still a small community and one that was fairly new.  These people were just learning about Jesus.  It was unlikely that there was a central place for Christian discourse.  The various small groups of Christians most likely lived in different parts of the city and then came together once a week for common worship.  The new Christians (and they probably did not even call themselves Christian at this point) were very different from one another. Some were wealthy and well educated.  Some were not. 

          The issue that Paul was addressing was meat that was offered to idols as a sacrifice.  You might wonder how big of an issue this could possibly be.  If you don’t want to eat meat sacrificed to idols, don’t go to the temple.  However, it was not always clear where meat came from.   After an animal was sacrificed, some of it would be burned, but the left overs were often sold in the market.  And unlike our grocery store, there were no packages or signs telling you where the meat was coming from.  It didn’t say: “grass fed”, “organic”, “local” or “sacrificed to idols.” 

Some people thought it would be safer to avoid all meat together.  That way they could be sure that they were not inadvertently part of any idol worship, which kind of makes sense.  But there were other people who ate whatever meat they wanted to.  They would even attend pagan ceremonies and eat the meat they knew had been sacrificed. They figured that since these gods weren’t real anyways, what difference did it make if they ate meat offered to these fake gods—these false idols? This created tension between those who were eating the meat and those who were not.

          The issue itself is not relevant to us.  The way Paul addressed the issue and encouraged the Corinthians to handle it is absolutely relevant.  First of all, Paul never pretended to be unbiased or neutral. He agreed with the argument that since there was only one God, then it was pointless to worry about what food is or is not sacrificed to those fake gods.  He even complimented the people who had used that argument- for their knowledge and religious understanding.  But he then added that there are some people who simply aren’t there yet. They might not have the same education. They might have a different background where they were more attached to pagan rituals-- making it more difficult to completely ignore where the meat came from. For those new Christians, it would have been deeply distressing to see other Christians doing something that seemed un-Christian to them.  He concluded by asking, is it really worth it to eat meat if you are going to destroy your sister or brother in Christ?

          What is interesting is that he didn’t dismiss those who felt they could not eat meat. It’s true he labeled them as “weak,” but I don’t think he meant it as an insult.  Because in the end, he chose to associate himself with the weak by promising not to eat meat.  While he didn’t agree with them, he felt that it was more important to love them and support them, rather than prove he was right.  He did this because he thought it would help them become better Christians instead of encouraging them to return to their idol worshipping ways. 

          It’s easy to read this and conclude that Paul was simply trying to keep this fledgling community together by convincing people not to offend one another.  But that’s not the case.  If he simply didn’t want to offend, he would have encouraged them to stop talking about it, or to stop eating together.  That would have solved it, right?  Just stop eating meals together and you don’t have to worry about what everyone is eating.  But Paul knew that sharing a meal was critical in a Christian community. It’s what Jesus did with his disciples.  And it’s one of the last things he asked of his disciples.  And let’s not forget, Paul never worried about offending people. He said some terribly offensive things.  Paul’s letters were consistently encouraging the church to be a place to talk about hard things. 

          That is something I fear we have lost.  We have a really hard time talking about hard things.  We do it when we have to.  But we also avoid it as much as we can.  And if the church isn’t a place to have difficult conversations, where are we having them? Social media?? The News?  We all watch different news channels.  There are rarely differing opinions unless it’s the token conservative or token liberal. There is no real conversation happening in the places where we often turn for news and information.  Instead community is torn apart by bickering and misunderstanding one another. 

          If the church doesn’t talk about hard things like racism, homophobia, sexism, government, mask wearing…then who is?  We are leaving these important conversations to social influencers on Instagram who are far more interested in selling us something than creating or maintaining a community.

          Paul wasn’t worried about offending people because he knew the Christian community was strong enough to have arguments and disagreements.  What he was afraid of was alienating people which might lead them back to idol worship.  In the church, when we alienate people, they don’t usually turn to idol worship, not literally at least.  However it’s still something we try to avoid. 

          How do we have these hard conversations without alienating people? I struggle with this, especially lately.  But I have seen it happen.  I saw it with our Sacred Ground series where Democrats and Republicans talked about politics.  Some people’s feelings got hurt and that was regretful, but to their credit, no one walked away from the conversation.  Right now we have a commission of people talking about the confederate memorial. There is a wide array of opinions, yet they listen and speak respectfully and they are going to find a compromise. I have no doubt about that. 

          This can work—but you have to stay at the table, even when you are hurt and irritated, even when you think, “How could a Christian possibly say that?” Because I can guarantee you, whatever side you are on…there is some merit on the other side as well.  We are called to love our enemies.  That’s hard.  Let’s start by loving our friends or acquaintances who disagree with us. Jesus doesn’t care who is right.  He only cares about how we love those we think are wrong. One way we do this is to stay at the table.

Photo by Elliott Stallion

 

Sept. 7, 2014: Matt 18:15-20 & Romans 13:8-14

Year A, Pentecost 13                                                             

            As a priest in the Episcopal Church, one of the things I have been taught is how to handle conflict when it happens in the parish.  While conflict is not something that most people seek out, it also should not be avoided.  It can be healthy and help people grow.  If it is ignored or handled in an unhealthy way, it can be quite corrosive.   Some things about conflict management are pretty obvious.  Never handle it over e-mail.  The best thing to do is to deal directly with the person with whom you have the conflict.   Yet even with this knowledge, I find it a very hard thing to do especially outside of the church. 

Just recently I had a conversation with a very close friend of mine and she said something that really upset me. I acted like it did not upset me because at the time, I was not sure that I should be upset.  I always find it helpful to take some time to consider why I am upset.  Often it has little to do with what the person did or said and more to do with what is going on with me.  But pretty quickly, I realized that I was not going to get past this which meant that I had to talk to my friend.  By this time I was a little mad and I did about the stupidest thing you can do.  I called a mutual friend and talked to her about it.  Even as I was doing it, I knew it was stupid. I felt that I needed to talk to someone about it who would know the people involved and who might have some helpful advice.  My friend asked, “Well should I talk to her for you?”  Now these two friends and I go way back and that was how we dealt with conflict when we were teenagers so it was tempting to regress, but I said no.

            I was pretty ashamed with myself. I’m a priest. I should know better than this! Yet it is human nature to want to avoid conflict and seek comfort and support from a third party.  There is a technical term for it.  It’s called triangulation and in ministry it’s like the 8^th deadly sin.  Can you imagine Jesus going to Peter and saying, “Can you believe what Thomas just did?  Of course you can’t…Thomas can’t even believe what he did…he’s such a doubter.  I mean bless his heart, but seriously…”    Jesus would never have done that. He always addressed  conflict straight on because he realized how corrosive unresolved or poorly resolved conflict could be in a community. 

I believe that is what he was teaching about in the Gospel lesson for today.  Like much in the Bible, this particular Gospel reading has been misappropriated.  It has been used to call out sinners in front of the congregation.  I have heard of churches that will actually ask people to publically confess their sins in front of the congregation.  I would think that would have a rather negative effect on the people involved.  However, a lot of people would use this passage to defend that kind of treatment.

If you were to read this passage alone, without the benefit of the surrounding readings, it might sound pretty harsh…which is why you should always read something in context.  Right before today’s reading, we hear the parable of the lost sheep.  Jesus told a story about a shepherd who left 99 sheep to find the one who had wandered off.  After today’s reading Peter asks Jesus how often he should forgive someone.  Jesus recommends 7 times 77.  Does this sound like the kind of God who would recommend that members of a community castigate someone in front of everyone and then throw them out? 

This is not supposed to be a handbook for managing conflict in a community any more than the story about the sheep is a handbook for shepherds.  However, it is demonstrating a critical point. Jesus cares about the individual, but he also deeply cares about the community.  He knows that the health of the community depends on the relationships between the individuals within the community.     That means that the health of the body of Christ depends on us.  That is a pretty big responsibility.

            In Paul’s letter to the Romans, he also talks about the importance of the community.  “Owe no one anything except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.”  Paul then went on to mention a couple of commandments.  All of the commandments he quoted were regarding how we treat one another.  He wrote that all the commandments could be summed up in this phrase, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  How do we reconcile Jesus demand for confrontation and his call for us to love one another? How can we love our neighbor as we love ourselves while also holding one another accountable?

            When Paul told the Romans to love one another as they loved themselves, he was quoting something that Jesus said in the Gospels.  In order to love others we have to know what it is to love ourselves, to see ourselves as beloved children of God.  If that is how we love one another, then one would assume that is how we confront one another or hold each other accountable.  Before we address the sins of the other, we must first address our own sins.  That way we will approach that person with humility. 

In my situation with my friend, I kind of did the first part.  I tried to examine what my own part in the argument was.  But then instead of approaching her with the appropriate humility, I talked to someone else about it.  Thankfully my friend was a good friend and she talked to me directly.  She apologized to me and by then I was able to also apologize for not handling it well.  While I am not proud of how long it took me to talk to her directly, I did spend that time examining my own actions.  If we had left it at that (the self-examination without the conversation), we would have just been ashamed.  But when we addressed it directly, it was a very healing experience. 

It is important to remember whenever we are dealing with conflict, even when we are almost certainly in the right, we are still sinners in need of forgiveness.  That is one of the reasons that we have the communal confession.  We don’t say, “Ok, whoever sinned this week, why don’t you come up to front and say the confession.”  We assume that we have all sinned and so we say the confession together as the body of Christ.   That does not take the place of those direct conversations, but it’s a good start, especially if we really think about what we are reading and consider our own sins as we read that confession.   I always try to provide a moment between when I announce the confession and when I begin it to allow for people to personally reflect.  (Now you know that when I give you a little longer than usual, it’s because I have a few more sins to confess.)

            I have a little disclaimer for this sermon.  Direct confrontation is almost always better than going to someone else to vent your frustrations.  But this method is never an excuse for cruelty.  You can’t just say the first thing that pops into your head whenever you want to.   Jesus could get away with that but none of us are God incarnate.  We can’t be sure that everything that comes out of our mouth is the word of God.  Why do you think I write these sermons down?  Sometimes the Holy Spirit comes to us later when we refine our thoughts, when we have had time to cool down.  Loving one another is not easy.  It doesn’t always come naturally.  If it did, Jesus would not have had to repeat it as often as he did and we would not still be talking about it today.   Love one another as you love yourselves.  Confront one another gently, but do so with the knowledge that you are just as sinful as the person you are confronting.