Luke 7:36-8:3
Most
of you are aware that my husband and I have a new addition to our family. We have been in the adoption process for over
2 years. However, a few months ago we
got a call that there was an emergency placement and we had 1 day to get to the
hospital where this baby was born (which was about day’s journey). There was not a lot of time to prepare of
even to think through things. The birth mother had chosen us that day. We knew very little about her or the baby who
awaited us. In truth, the birth mother
was just a name on a sheet of paper.
While we certainly felt a level of gratitude to her, it was nothing
particularly overwhelming. Then we met
Joshua. We saw this tiny and perfect
baby and we were both overwhelmed with gratitude, not just to God, but to this
woman who carried him in her body for 9 months.
One
of the small pieces of information we had about her was why she decided to
choose adoption. She wrote that she
could not raise him and she wanted to “bless another family.” Those were the words that she wrote on the
form we read. That was why she chose
adoption. At first she did not want to
meet us. Then at the very last minute
she changed her mind. It was probably
good that it was the last minute or I imagine I would have gone crazy worrying
about what to say and what to do.
Instead, we had about two minutes to consider our words. We walked in and she smiled this huge smile and
hugged us. We thanked her profusely, but
we were very aware of how inadequate those thank yous were. She said that it was a blessed day because we
were the people who were meant to raise this baby and she felt joy because of
it. We promised her he would be beloved
by many and that we would spend the rest of our lives loving him. Then with tears in our eyes we said good
bye.
I
thought of that moment when I read the Gospel for today. The story is about a woman who was overcome
with emotion. We know that she was a
sinner because Jesus refers to her many sins.
Some people believe that Jesus forgave her because she showered him with
her tears and anointed him with oil. She
honored him in ways that displayed her love.
However, many people (myself included) believe that her outpouring of
love was a result of the forgiveness she had already received. In other words, she had already met
Jesus. She had already been forgiven and
this was her way of showing gratitude for this forgiveness.
If
she went in weighed down by sins, begging for forgiveness, I think things would
have happened differently. She would
have been tentative and unsure of herself.
She might have washed his feet, but not with her tears. She had oil with
her and that was not an uncommon way to honor people, but it was usually placed
on the head, not the feet. But her
actions, washing his feet with her tears, drying them with her hair—these seem
unplanned, unchoreographed. I am sure
there are some people who can cry on demand, but I doubt that’s what happened. She was simply overwhelmed with gratitude. For years she had been weighed down with sin.
Given the critical
reaction of the Pharisee, people knew that she was a sinner. However, because
of Jesus, she was free. Obviously most
people did not realize she had been forgiven.
They did not accept that Jesus could free her of these sins. But for her, it was not about what other
people thought. She knew that she had been forgiven and she knew the person who
had changed her life forever. Perhaps
she had a little speech prepared. She was going to go in this house full of
respectable people and carry her head high.
With respect and decorum, she would thank Jesus, anoint his head and
then quietly slip out. Then she saw him
and she was so overcome, she dropped to her knees and wept. There were no words
that were adequate for the grace and love that she experienced. Her tears were so numerous that they washed
his feet. When she realized that she was soaking the feet of the man who had
saved her, she dried them with her hair because she didn’t have a towel. Every part of her mind, body and soul was
dedicated to this display of love and gratitude. Jesus was so moved that he pronounced
forgiveness again so that everyone would hear.
Then he commended her on her faith in front of the pillars of the faith.
For
a long time, I thought I deserved to have a baby. I thought this is the natural
order of things. You get married, you have kids. This is what you do. Everyone around me was getting pregnant. I was praying--my whole family was
praying. Despite the fact that I had competent
doctors and a supportive husband, my prayers were not answered in the way that
I thought they should have been answered.
While my priest mind knew that nothing is really fair in life—that we
should be grateful for what we have—that I already had more than I deserved, I
could not get past this feeling that life was unfair, that I was being deprived
of something that I deserved. Yet in
that hospital, looking at the mother who placed her child in my arms because
she wanted to bless me, I realized that this was more than I deserved. This was love and there was nothing I could
say, nothing I could do to properly express the gratitude that she deserved and
that God deserved.
For the first
time in my life, I understand what this woman felt. I even understand what Simon the Pharisee
felt to some degree. He went through
life expecting things. He didn’t think he needed forgiveness. He had been good
his whole like. He was the one who showed other people how to pray and how to
worship. Because of that he could not appreciate this woman’s dramatic display
of love.
I have been
the Pharisee in that I have not fully appreciated the grace and love that I
have been given. I thought I had earned things fair and square. I am sure that I will continue experiencing
elements of the Pharisee’s entitlement and the woman’s gratitude. I wish that I
could have learned this lesson without receiving this amazing miracle. But I guess that’s not the point. The point is that when we do find ourselves
receiving these expected and unexpected miracles, we remember who deserves our thanks
and praise, and we remember that every day.
Most of us see
our lives through a lens of scarcity. We
see what we do not have and what we deserve to have. Instead, perhaps we could consider those
little miracles and gifts that we receive every day---those things we barely
notice. Then when we identify those
things or those people, we allow ourselves to gush a little. I pray that we can
all find that raw place in our lives that gushes with gratitude---the kind of
gratitude that leaves polite people uncomfortable.
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